Let’s think about this… throughout the day our minds are always going. We tend to judge without even noticing. We don’t realize this behavior is setting ourselves up for failure. We are our own worst enemies and can create our own personal prison in our minds.
So, let’s say I’m feeling bad about myself all the sudden. I want to stop and reflect. Why am I feeling this way? I wasn’t feeling like this earlier. I need to go within for answers to these questions. Well, I was just thinking about being hungry. Immediately I wanted something sweet…. Then thought of course you do fatty and decided not to eat instead.
Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we beat ourselves up this way? We would never tolerate another person talking to us this way, yet we belittle ourselves, put ourselves down and judge every thought or feeling we have mindlessly. And I say mindlessly because these thoughts have become automatic. We don’t even realize we are doing it and we are the cause of our own anguish. At this point we can start to look for things outside of ourselves to make us better, smarter, thinner, whatever the case may be. And that is exactly what we must stop to give ourselves a happier and better life.
Anymore I feel we are surrounded by judgment. We live in a world were judgement of everyone and everything has become so widely acceptable. We realate to others through similar negative experiences. So of course, we are doing the same things in our heads. When did this become ok?
When I first heard “don’t judge your thoughts as good or bad, your bed is perfectly unmade, you are perfectly imperfect” I was kind of taken back. I had been working on not being judgmental of others but never in a million years did I consider being kind to myself. Being kind to others is what I am good at. I put myself last and treated myself like dirt regularly.
What beliefs was I holding onto to make me torture myself in this way? And not even notice? It always comes back to this… Always. IM JUST NOT GOOD ENOUGH, I DON’T DESERVE GOOD THINGS IN MY LIFE. I was a master at self-sabotage. If I ruined everything good in my life, I could prove how unworthy I actually was… right? Keep myself rt where I believed I belonged..... mind blown... right!!?
On the flip side, If I’m judging my feelings as good or right, I am closing myself off to learning from others. From their experience, advice, and opinions. We are all different, not one of us on this earth is the same. We come here with a purpose, a plan. And the road to success is harder for some then it is for others. But let me tell you this…that harder road that some of us travel gives our souls the ability to grow in ways that someone with no struggles will never get the chance to. So, when someone is telling you something or talking to you about something that you don’t agree with, try listening anyway. Be open to other ideas and opinions. Give yourself the chance to grow by understanding (or trying to) where someone else may be coming from. Our life experiences will affect the way we think of things very differently. If we open our minds and our hearts to other people we will grow emotionally, empathically, and we will stop judging and stunting our growth.
Awareness is the first step to Feeling better…
Awareness… sounds so easy right? Awareness is a tricky thing. Because if you are not aware, you really won’t see it. It’s just the way it is. This is a practice. Something we need to strive towards over and over again. If we learn to stop and check in with ourselves throughout the day, we can become aware. Stop and ask yourself how am I feeling rt now? Why? What core emotion is this feeling connected to? What automatic thought did I have that led me to feel this way? What does this feeling remind me of in my past?
After those questions are clearly answered ask yourself what your underlying belief is that is causing that thought? Then be on the lookout going forward for that sneaky automatic thought or belief that trys to creep back in.
It’s never too late to change your core beliefs…
After these are identified they can be changed. You will take those thought patterns you wish to improve and swap out the old beliefs with more positive ones, things that will empower you instead of hinder you. You will start getting out of your own way. You will have the confidence to go further then you were ever able to before. You will start to treat yourself with love and kindness. You will stop people pleasing and doing things you don’t feel right about. You will have the power to set healthy boundaries and get people out of your life who chose to keep you down instead of build you up. You will realize that when people are treating you poorly this reflects negatively on them, not you. You will have trust in YOUR process that things will be ok if you can BE THE CHANGE YOU WISH TO SEE IN THE WORLD. And you will not let others dull your sparkle.
So do not judge your feelings as good or bad. They are your feelings, and we need to remember that feelings are not always facts. Sometimes just confronting those feelings instead of letting yourself get lost in them is helpful. If I’m speaking somewhere and that voice creeps in saying “you’re not good enough, no one cares what I have to say” I can immediately stop it, I look around to see if people are engaged, I double check to make sure no one is laughing at me and that they seem like they are into it. I can immediately prove that voice wrong and tell it to go the hell away! If you are struggling to see where you can be making changes, keep a journal. Write down what you’re doing throughout the day and how it makes you feel. What thoughts you had and how they made you feel. Then you can look back after a week to try to see similarities and find those beliefs or thoughts that we can make healthier to make us the best version of ourselves.
2 of Hearts Healing center
to work with me privately go to www.2ofheartshavertown.com